Whirlwind Courtships With Added Complications
Her Part One
I remember the day my twin arrived as a new contractor at the help desk I was employed at. I looked up from my desk and saw a group of new contractors they had brought in to help for the upcoming corporate merger.There must of been 15 people there but he stuck out. It could of been that his head was shaved or that he had mean look on his face that indicated that he wasn’t there to make friends or take prisoners. The next thought I had surprised me. “Hey he’s kinda cute but he looks like a loner. Shame.” I paused for a second. Did I just scope that guy out? I dismissed the idea. I was a married woman, borrowed goods. The most I could have hoped for was a bedroom companion. After three and half years of sexual abstinence I knew for a fact that sex wasn’t everything. It certainly wasn’t anything to get myself in trouble for. Inter-office relationships were frowned upon though there no rule against it until later. I’ll talk about that in another post.
The next time I saw him he was being trained by a another co-worker who sat behind me. I remember looking over every so often just out of curiosity. After a while I stopped glancing over because I didn’t have the time. The merger was in full swing and we were getting a lot of calls. About month later I had all but forgot about the bald and mean looking loner when a name started being mentioned among the new people who were on the phones. A newbie — or new agent — can go a team lead if they needed help. If they are busy assisting someone they can go to an available seasoned agent and ask for assistance on a call but the call volume was extremely high. Not only were team leads taking calls but so were the supervisors.
I kept hearing someone’s name being mentioned when the leads or supervisor were asked by a newbie for help. At first I didn’t pay any mind but then I started to hear it more. A couple of days later a newbie who sat directly behind me stopped a supervisor to ask for assistance with a user. The supervisor mentioned the name of a person and pointed the aisle behind me and to the end. I followed her finger to where she was pointing. I saw hints of red hair but that was all. The supervisor told the newbie to go this person for help.
The newbie ran up the aisle and returned with a man with red hair and glasses. The man spoke with authority. He was intelligent and assured. He wasn’t simply assisting, he was instructing them on how to handle the user. I was impressed. It takes a lot to impress me. There was something about him. He never wavered. If he didn’t know something he admitted to it. It seemed that there very little they he didn’t know. I got to talk him a couple of days later. I ran into him out in the office smoke area and we chatted. It had to be the most intelligent conversation I had with someone in a while.
Her Part Two
After the first conversation my (future) husband and I had I didn’t see much of him for about two weeks. I was heading for my morning break when I ran into him when I with a couple of co-workers. He didn’t acknowledge me, but didn’t he didn’t have to. Our eyes met and I felt warm,welcomed and in the presence who someone who knew me well. I was lost in my own world when a coworker mentioned that we were 5 minutes into our 15 minute break and hadn’t a had cigarette yet. We all parted ways but a part of me was still there in that moment. I walked the smoke area and lit a smoke. With the first inhale a sense of being out of place overwhelmed me. I fought to clear my head. I put my cigarette out and went back in to work. On the ride home I berated my for losing my senses over a man that I only had conversation with once. I decided that I would get myself under control and reevaluate why I was acting this way. The next morning I decided that going more than three years without sex had short circuited my brain. There was no indication at that time that he was attracted to me so there was no reason to entertain the thought.
I started to see more of him and decided that he was a really cool guy but it was better to keeps things the way they were. We worked well together and he was quick to learn so I was able to teach him concepts and he applied them well and I learned things from him in return. He would send me messages occasionally via IM to ask for help or advice and I was glad to help. One day he IM me frustrated about how many calls they were getting about people not being able to get into email. I messaged him back informing him that there was a mail server migration and people only need to be given their new server to get going again. His response was amazing. Mail Migration?, he wrote. I thought all the servers had migrated south for the winter already. I started to laugh out loud. It was funny not because of the pun but because I wasn’t expecting it. After that we IM ‘d each other more often, but only if he initiated it. I didn’t want him to think that there anything funny going on. Previously I had acquainted myself with another male co-worker (white) who I believe got the wrong idea about how I felt about him, but that’s for another post.
So It went on this way for another two months. Meeting out in the smoke break area, instant messaging each other, and drawing stares. Looking back it was obvious that we wanted to get involved with each other. We both admitted later that we wanted to get together but the fact that I was married was a sticking point. After a while I started to notice that his demeanor had changed. He seemed pleased to see me, but he wanted to keep the encounters short. The instant messages become sporadic as well. I thought I said something to offend him but I shrugged it off. A week went past and he still wasn’t going out of his way for him and I to be in the same area for long. At the end of the week I ran into him coming on his way back from the smoke area. He was holding the door for someone one. I stood in front of him but he wouldn’t look at me. After a long moment our eyes locked. In that moment I knew my life was about to change.
Her Part Three
A week passed since the last time I saw him and my head was in a tailspin. I started to think about him everyday. I looked constantly at where he sat in the department. My heart warmed by just seeing hints of red hair peak over his cubicle. My ears strained to hear his voice. The bad part of it was there another female coworker who was caught in line of sight of my searching glances. I know that she was feeling uncomfortable. Imagine every time you look up you’re meeting eyes with someone halfway down the aisle. Who knows what was going through her mind during that time? I confess that I simply couldn’t help myself. On some level I knew it was wrong but I needed to see him. Later in the morning I got my chance to see his face. His stood up and his eyes caught mine. To my best account this what happened. I literally felt my heart jump out of chest. My hand went instinctively to my chest and I turned away from his gaze. I realized where I was and regain my composure. I thought to myself, “What the hell was that?!?!?!” I’d like to sidetrack for a moment. To this day I still thinks it was pitiful that even after that this incident I that didn’t think I was in love! I thought I was having heart problems. Well back to the story.
We started instant messaging each other again. We even tried to time our breaks so we would we be in the smoke area at the same time. It was wonderful to be in the presence of someone I felt like I could myself with. My twin and I was out in smoke break area one day when I first the impress that we may have been offending people. My husband and I were talking and laughing when I caught out the corner of my eye a woman sneering at us. She put out her cigarette unceremoniously and walked back in the building. “Did you see the look on her face?” he said. Yeah,what was up with that, I replied. My twin started to imitate the look the women made and I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My twin referred to her as “grimace lady” due to how many times the said above incident occurred. We started drawing more looks from co-workers and other employees in the building. We catch people staring but when my twin would make eye contact with them they’d turn away.
For about a week new people started to “disappear”. This is my term for being fired. My twin had a hard time keeping his attendance between school and work. There were days when he didn’t even show up for work. Let me make it clear that my former employer was heavy handed when it came to firing people. People were trimmed like fat from meat at the butcher’s shop. So for the first time in three months was afraid that he’d be fired and I would never see him again. So around Christmas I decided that the moment was now. I was leaving early for the day so I strode around to his desk to say goodbye. He was on the phone with a client so we couldn’t talk. I starting to lose my nerve but then as he was explaining something to the person on the phone when I grabbed a piece of paper off his desk and wrote down my phone number. By this time I realized I was in love with him and despite the circumstances that there was nothing I could do about it. He looked from his PC screen and looked down at the piece of paper and his mouth dropped but before he could say anything I left.
Her Part Four
He called me!! I can’t believe he called me! I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice but it was hard. We talked for his whole lunch break. It was the first time we had talked that long to each other. I lived in another state at the time and work was the only place we interacted. He called me again on New Years Eve. We talked about our interests and various subjects when my call waiting clicked on my line. It was my soon be ex-husband on the other line. Shit, I thought. I click over on the other line and heard the usual message that I was receiving a call from a state institution. I press 0 on the phone pad to bypass the message. My ex-husband came on the line and told him to hold on. I clicked back over and left him on hold. Fuck it, I thought. We don’t have anything important to talk about.
I continue the conversation with my twin. After a another ten minutes or so he said he had some friends over so he would have to cut the conversation short. Afterwards I felt bad in a way. I wondered if I could go about this another way and try to talk to my ex-husband but I realized it was hopeless. I had fallen in love with someone else so that was that. I didn’t see the point of trying to fool myself into thinking otherwise.
Later on that week and I asked him to call me in a coy way. I stated that I got bored when I got home so he offered to call me that night. Cool, I said. Inside I was jumping with glee. As promised he called later on that night. We talked about school and he didn’t know if he could keep paying for it. He stated he was tired of studying for career when he need to be making a living. “There has to be another way,” he said. “I’m tired of working and not getting ahead.” “Sounds someone who need to work for himself,” I said. “Maybe,” he said. We talked a little bit more then he stated that his class was about to resume, so once again we had the cut the conversation short. My resolve broke. “Do you promise to call me later?” I asked. As soon as the words had come out of my mouth I knew I had left my senses. There was silence on the phone for a long moment. “Yes, Honey,” he said in sarcastic voice. “I’ll call you later.”
I hung up the phone and began hitting myself with it. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I thought. He definitely not going to call you back now! I went and work on a side web project, killing time until I went to bed. Around 9:00 he called me back. I was overjoyed! His voice was a mixed of satisfaction and irritation. “I can’t believe this,” he said. I’m checking in with you, this practically a relationship! I smiled to myself and we both laughed. We talked into the wee hours of the morning, barely finding time to sleep. The next night it was the same deal, up all night talking and neither one of us got any sleep that night either. It was about 4:30 in the morning when he broke the subject of attraction. It was obvious we were attracted to each other and we admitted it. I figured that would be it. We’d start having sex and interesting times and neither one of us we be worse off for it. We called each the next night but things didn’t take the turn I thought. Our conversation was cut short by a long silence. I thought he had fell asleep. ” Admit it,” he said. “Admit what?” I said. I knew where he was going but feeling it was one thing admitting was another. ” You’re…” he said. “Just stop,” I said. We don’t want to do this. I started to shake my head. “In love me aren’t you?” he finished. I took a moment. “Yes,” I said. “I love you too,” he said. I sighed.“What are we going to do now?” I said. “Be with each other and love each other,” he said. “You make it seem so simple,” I said. “It is,” he said.
Her Part Five
Being up all night talking started to take a toll on our performance at work and our sleeping habits. We decided that we needed to resolve the issue. The only way to take care of it was for me to move closer to him. At the end of work week. I went home with him to look at apartments and spend some time together. We arrived at his house after a 20 minute drive. I met his mother and her boyfriend. His mother had never had heard of me before this visit. After a hour or so we were left alone… finally. We started making out of course I was still a bit nervous I hadn’t had sex in over 3 1/2 years. He sensed this somehow and started to tell about his love for me. How wonderful I was. He went on at length about my hips,thighs, lips,intelligence, humor,and strength. He made me understand that to him I was beautiful. Later on that night we went to his room and we made love into wee hours of the night. Afterwards he kissed my face and told me over and over that I deserved to be loved. I fell asleep in his arms afterwards feeling like 24 karat gold.
We woke later that afternoon so I could go look for an apartment. I found an apartment and filled out an application. My twin and I returned to his home to talk over plans for my upcoming move and talked more of our love. Later on that night he kissed me and held my shoulders. (I like to note that he the most kissable lips of any man) There was strange look in his eye. “Don’t be scared,” he said. I looked at him concerned. “What is it?”, I said. “Marry me, he said. I looked at him hard. “Yes, I’ll marry you,” I said. He kissed me passionately. I smiled and that was that. He told his mother at the first opportunity. His mother seemed pleased. Actually she reacted as if a child had just said something cute. I don’t blame her. The whole thing seemed crazy. My attitude was that if he was crazy enough to go through with it I wouldn’t make him regret it.
The next week he announced he was moving in with me at the beginning of February. Two days after we moved in with other he told his friends of his plans of marriage they thought he had lost his mind. He had made arrangements with his mom to move his stuff out over the next couple weeks. His mother realized that two people in love the way we were didn’t need to waste time with a gradual move. Too much trouble. So she called him three days later and him asked to have all his belongings out by the end of that day. Mothers usually know what’s best for their children. All the better for me. By March 2006 I had received my divorce papers! That was the longest three months of my life! We had been shopping for rings but the time had come to get the rings and plan for our wedding and honeymoon.
How We Met: The Male Perspective “…I was kind of a dick.”
His Part One
I don’t know how my wife and I ever ended up together. For all intents and purposes, I was kind of a dick. Mind you, this wasn’t intentional, I was just a very angry person at the time. I was a dick to everyone I didn’t have to associate with. At the time we met I was 22, bitter, and very, very uninterested in meeting anyone.
In the past I’ve been in a few bad relationships. Probably nothing that anyone who’s dated in their life hasn’t experienced, but at this point in my life I had decided that I was just going to concentrate on school and work and not complicate my life with another relationship. I was tired of the drama and bullshit that came along with being in a relationship. All the relationships I’d had in recent past ended poorly, and I’d come to the conclusion that if I was going to have a successful one, I’d have to work on me. So I stopped dating for over a year.
Around the time I met my wife, I’d been single for over a year and had actively avoided the opposite sex. I worked out vigorously, hung out with the guys, continued my studies, and generally filled my time however possible while trying to figure out what my next move was going to be. I can’t say it was a particularly good time for me, but I was just doing what I had to to get my head straight and get over the past.
Eventually, the retail job I was working at wasn’t cutting it, since I was partly financing my education on credit cards; this was a bad move but I digress. I started looking for work in my field of study, Information Technology. Eventually, after several months of searching, I landed a position at a help desk for a large and heretofore unnamed banking institution.
This, as they say, is where it all began.
His Part Two
I met my wife in a very uneventful fashion. A little under two months into my tenure at the previously mentioned help desk I had gotten a pretty good feel for the job and my direct supervisor had been sending new recruits to me for assistance. The team leads were constantly busy taking calls and manning chat rooms. At this time, the company was going through a merger, a takeover in my opinion, and we were completely slammed with calls. There was a young man there who constantly needed help. He wasn’t a bad agent, he was just very unsure of himself. He always asked for assistance, even when he thought he knew the answer. So here I was at this kid’s desk helping him with an issue when I was first introduced to my future wife.
Now, at this time I didn’t know she would become my wife. There was something about her though, something I couldn’t explain, but it made something in me light up like a 100 watt bulb. We’d talked briefly outside when our breaks coincided, but usually in groups, never one-to-one, and I’d never really paid much mind to her before this moment. Still, there was something about the look in her eyes. She watched me helping the other agent; after I’d finished fixing the problem the three of us bullshitted for a few minutes, chatting while trying to ignore work, but the help desk was queued up massively and I had to get back to my desk.
Over the next few weeks, our breaks coincided more often than not, and we would talk about issues we were passionate about, or just talk about whatever was going on that day. Nothing in particular. We were both pretty closed off. After all, at the time she was as icy as a glacier, and I was raging inside with anger burning hotly. Suffice to say, we both probably said things early on that hurt one another, whether intentionally or not.
In my time, I’ve been known to be a cocky son of a bitch. I can be arrogant, though I do try to rein it in. Don’t ask me why I said it, but one day, we were out on break and I turned to my future bride and said “I’ve decided to associate with you. I don’t associate with many people, so you should feel honored.” Like I said before, I was kind of a dick. I meant every word of it, I have few friends and rarely confide in people. For me this was admitting to her that I was willing to trust her, that I’d like to be friends. However, the way it came out, I probably sounded like a complete jerk.
Any sane woman would have stopped dealing with me right then and there, but fortunately for me, my wife must have a touch of the crazy or something. We only grew closer. I think somehow she understood what I meant to say, and took it for that, instead of just taking what I said at face value. In November, we sat together at her desk during our Thanksgiving luncheon, and just talked and laughed, and generally enjoyed each other’s company. She carpooled into work, and always stopped at McDonalds for a steak bagel and apple pie, and she started bringing me pies in the morning. This should have been a tip-off that she was interested in me, but I am a very dense man when it comes to the opposite sex.
I really appreciated that pie. It sounds kind of stupid; I know it’s just a fifty cent apple pie, but given my schedule with school and work, and the fact that due to school and bills I was commonly what you’d refer to as a “broke ass,” those pies were the only thing I’d eat all day until I got home around 11 o’clock at night. I was very appreciative. And one day she handed me an apple pie and without even knowing what I was doing I leaned over, thanked her, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. We both blushed a bit and blew it off as a friendly peck, but as she walked away, the inside of my brain freaked the fuck out.
I kept asking myself why I did that, what the hell was I thinking, et cetera, ad nauseum. She played it off like nothing happened, but I knew that was bullshit. Something had happened. In the few months that we’d known each other, I realized that I had completely fallen for her.
His Part Three
As things went on my soon-to-be wife and I ended up talking more and more. Actually, that’s not entirely true. For a while after the kiss we avoided each other. By “we avoided each other” what I mean is I avoided her. It wasn’t really an intentional thing, my brain had just kind of gone into shock. I kept finding myself thinking about her, I was often distracted, and I was generally freaked out. Adding to the issue was the fact that she was married at the time. This was a touchy subject as she and her husband were estranged, he had been in prison for several years, but regardless of that fact everything inside me screamed that it was a bad idea to get involved with a married woman. Or any woman, for that matter.
The thing is, I couldn’t get her out of my head. Given the close proximity that we worked in, the avoidance thing wasn’t going to work for long, and of course it didn’t. One day while I was heading inside after my break, she was walking out. Mostly we stared at the floor awkwardly, or maybe that was just me. But for a moment, our eyes met and that moment felt like an eternity. I felt like I could sink into those beautiful brown eyes, just dive in and take a swim in them. I felt like I was falling off a cliff. I knew right then with that one look that I wanted to be with this woman.
Finding more time to spend together wasn’t difficult. See, I was a bit of a problem child at the job. Hell, I’ve been a bit of a problem child wherever I’ve gone, it’s a wonder that friends, family, and employers have put up with me for this long. Basically, my philosophy is to fuck being nice, honesty is a lot more straight forward. It’s gotten me into a few scrapes before, but those are stories for another time. As I was saying, finding time to talk wasn’t difficult. The merger was winding down. At this point it was December and many people were taking vacation time for obvious reasons, so our call volumes had dropped significantly. She and I were IMing each constantly, and our breaks were finally coinciding again. Then one day several managers and team leads stopped to talk with me on the same day.
On this day, she was leaving early and had noticed all the attention. I found out later that she thought because of all the people stopping by my desk and because of my “problem” status that I was going to be fired, but really they were just being chatty. Bored I guess now that the help desk wasn’t so busy. Before she left, she tried to stop and talk, but I was busy on the phones, and could only make hand gestures and shrug. She grabbed my notepad and wrote her phone number in it. Then, without a word, she rushed out and was gone.
His Part Four
After she gave me her phone number I was in a state of shock. I watched her walk out in a rush and completely forgot the client on the phone. I just stared at her walking away. That day she was wearing really tight, form-fitting jeans. I already thought she was attractive, but seeing those jeans hug her big, curvy thighs and her beautiful, round backside made my jaw hit the floor. She was more than attractive. She was stunning. Literally. I know this part makes me sound like a lecherous man, but I have two things to say in my defense: 1. I’m a man, we’re all lecherous, we just don’t all admit it, and 2. I’m pretty sure she was intentionally shaking her hips more than normal when she ran out. By the way dear, when you read this, I don’t have to tell you it got my attention. ;)
After a few moments, though long after she’d gone out the door, I remembered the person on the other end of the phone and finished the call. Then, I’m pretty sure I broke some sort of cardinal rule or something, because I called her as soon as I got a break. We talked for a bit, then disappointedly ended the call when I went back to work. By this point we’d become inseparable at work, and now we were inseparable, period. It was the holiday season, we talked for a bit here and there, and I promised to call her on New Year’s. I did, and we probably talked for a hour or nearly so before I had to go, what with friends coming over for New Year’s drinking and the usual festivities.
In any case, we only became closer to one another. We started sharing our feelings and beliefs about anything and everything, our passions and goals. We could have talked about the most mundane topic for hours. A few nights we spent nearly all night talking, barely sleeping for one or two hours before having to get up and work again. Finally, I broached the subject we were both avoiding. So far we had talked about every subject known to man except for the one that mattered: how we felt for each other.
I already knew I loved her. I knew she felt the same way about me. However, I knew that given the choice, she’d have kept that to herself forever and suffered for it if I didn’t press the issue. So press I did. All things told, I practically forced her to admit she loved me. She’s written about it already, and probably remembers it in better detail than I, so I won’t reiterate. But suffice to say, it felt good. We finally admitted our feelings. Feelings that had been bubbling and brewing for months were now finally out in the open.
She had decided to move to be closer to the job, and since I was already in Delaware, she decided to stay with me the following weekend to look for apartments. The first night we were together my family went out and we made out on the couch for hours. Finally, we went upstairs and made love. It was awkward at first, but that didn’t stop us. We’re both passionate people, in bed and otherwise, and being together was wonderful. I’d had previous relationships, but this was something different all together. I loved this woman passionately and wanted nothing more than to be with her. I still do.
The next night we went to bed together and made love for hours. The time passed by like it didn’t exist, and maybe with a touch of the crazy, I proposed the very next day. I guess she figured to catch me while I was crazy, and said yes. The next month we moved into our first apartment together. A few months later we were married. We’ll probably talk about that another time.
Everything moved so quickly, We were married before we were together for even six months, but to be honest, it all just felt very natural. I wouldn’t change any of it. Recently we celebrated our one year wedding anniversary and in January we’ll have been together for two years. Regardless of all the obstacles we’ve had to face with family disapproval, public stares, and outright malice from some people, I wouldn’t have done anything different. In the past two years that we’ve known each other, I can’t ever remember being happier in my life. I look forward to loving my wife everyday. I love waking up to her and going to sleep with her. I love being with her, and I love our bond. I want to grow old with her, raise children, and watch our children raise their children. Our life together has only just begun, and I am grateful for every moment I am with her.
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