Uncontrollably White

By JeffG

A few days ago my wife and I were having a conversation about stereotypes and the crap that many people actually believe about different races and cultures. Take me for example: I’ve never been one to go with the flow. I don’t let others dictate my life. I don’t believe in paltry limitations and people who say “you can’t do that!” I don’t think I’ve ever been “cool,” but I’ve always been different. Oh, and submissiveness is totally not my thing…and I’m pretty sure that’s where the conversation really started.

The corporate finger

As the stereotypes go, black women - when compared to women of other races or cultures - are aggressive, they demean men to the point of emasculation, they’re mean, they’re tough as nails, they don’t understand their men, they can be downright cruel sometimes, and I’m pretty sure that everything above is meant to imply that they act like complete bitches.

White men, on the other hand, are more submissive than black men, enjoy freaky bondage shit and being dragged around in diapers and leashes, love being emasculated, et cetera, and this is the reason for the recent migration across racial lines in relationships. I don’t know where the hell these stereotypes come from. If I wasn’t using them to prove a point I’d not have them on the site in the first place.

Let’s set the record straight. I’m not submissive. My wife isn’t a domineering bitch. She’s strong, but never cruel, she can emasculate, but so can all women, and she doesn’t abuse the power. On a related note, I don’t know where the little dick stereotype came from. I think people watch too much porn or something. Dudes always seem to have 15 inch long, 10 inch girth tentacle sprouting from their groin in black on white porn; I hope nobody thinks it’s a real member. These are stereotypes folks, the fact that they’re called that should make you question their credibility.

Oh, here’s another one that irritates me: for a white guy to want to be with a black woman, he must be a wigger or something. Yeah, totally false. Talk to me for an hour and you’ll know I’m a total geek, I don’t watch TV, and I’ll take Beethoven anyone over 50 cent any day of the week. While it’s true that I actually introduced my wife to Bone Thugs ‘N’ Harmony, and have on very rare occasions worn a bandanna or du-rag, I’m just not wigger material.

Wigger

Firstly, wiggers tend to equate being black with being “thugs.” They always want to speak ebonics, wear their pants so low they may as well be dangling from a bungee cord, and act like they’re “down.” Yeah dude, get down…off the hood of my damned car. It’s not a fucking seat. Pull up your pants, you look like a dipshit. Read a Goddamned book once in a while, and for the love of Pete, go back to the fucking suburb you swaddled out from. Life isn’t a freaking rap video.

I’m not a wigger, I’m just uncontrollably white. I can’t help it, it’s who I am. I’m white, but I don’t fit into any of the generic stereotypes. I’m not cool and I’m not a dork. In high school I was in the concert band and on the Soccer and Crew (rowing) teams. I married a black woman even though I was white. Hey, shit happens. Good luck trying to stereotype and compartmentalize me.

For more ridiculously white people, check out Black People Love Us. This site is hilarious, but be warned, intentional stereotypes abound.